


Mada mada owaranai kara (It's not over yet)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Affairs, Cheating, M/M, Misunderstandings, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15020078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: There was something fascinating about Yamada.He had never managed to understand what it was, but it was like he couldn’t let him go.He kept staying there, in front of him, never managing to stop looking at him.





	Mada mada owaranai kara (It's not over yet)

There was something fascinating about Yamada.

He had never managed to understand what it was, but it was like he couldn’t let him go.

He kept staying there, in front of him, never managing to stop looking at him.

They had gotten up late, that morning; they didn’t have to get to work, neither of them had any plans, and they had stayed at the elder’s place, doing nothing in particular.

They had had lunch together, and Daiki had loved that homely feeling, that simplicity that made them feel close, that side of Yamada that made him feel good.

Even though he knew how wrong it was.

He looked at Ryosuke, sitting on the couch at his place, the same couch where the night before he had started kissing him, touching him, undressing him, where they had had sex without even wondering whether it was right or not.

It had felt natural, so much that Daiki had gotten scared.

“Ryo-chan.” he murmured, and Yamada averted his eyes from the TV, on and showing a program neither of them was following.

“What is it, Dai-chan?” he asked, his eyebrows arched.

Arioka bit his lip, throwing a nervous look at the clock.

Four.

His anxiety grew.

“Perhaps we should get out, how about that?” he asked, faking nonchalance.

Yamada’s stare got even more suspicious; he grabbed the remote, turning the TV off and sitting straight on the couch, looking into his eyes.

“You don’t want to go out. You just want me to leave.” he said, with a sad smile.

Arioka sighed, lowering his eyes and nodding briefly.

“I'm sorry, Ryosuke. What’s happened last night...” he started to say, but the younger interrupted him.

“What, Daiki? What’s happened last night what?” he asked, sarcastic. “Do you mean it’s  been a mistake? That we shouldn’t have?” he snorted, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you think it’s a tad late to say that now?”

Daiki sighed again, twisting his fingers.

“I know, Ryosuke. I know that I should’ve told you last night that we shouldn’t have, that it wasn’t fair, and that I should’ve told you to go home before it was too late. But...” the younger interrupted him again.

“But you wanted it, didn’t you? You wanted to sleep with me and you did, and now you want me to disappear so that you won't be forced to look at me and think about what’s happened between us.” he told him, grave, while he got close and sat on the armchair’s armrest, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Then why didn’t you tell me last night, Dai-chan?” he murmured. “Why didn’t you tell me that I shouldn’t expect anything, why didn’t you tell me you just wanted to have sex, and that I should’ve left right after you were done playing with me?” he went on, his voice less ironic and more annoyed now.

“It’s not like that, Ryosuke.” Daiki hissed, hit by the other’s accusation. “It’s more complicated than you think.”

And it was.

Arioka wished he could’ve been able to explain to Yamada what he felt whenever he was with him, being able to tell him that it wasn’t just for sex that last night he hadn't asked him to go away, that it hadn't been his only goal.

That he wished it could’ve gone down differently, that he wanted to wake up every morning next to him, that he wanted to spend entire days like the one they had just had together.

But it wasn’t easy, and they both knew that.

Yamada sighed, starting to brush his hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t really believe in what he had just said, and he knew what Daiki was thinking right now.

The fact that he did though, didn’t mean he was going to accept it without a fight.

“You should make a decision, Dai-chan. How long have we been at this without getting any result? Don’t pretend that what’s happened last night has been an accident.” he said, managing to give him half a smile. “I'm not asking for much, Daiki. I just wish you’d let me be a part of your life.” he paused, blushing. “I wish you’d realize we could be happy together.” he got up  and sighed.

Arioka stood up as well, putting his hands on his hips and looking at him, unable to let him go.

“I know, Ryosuke. I know that this whole situation... well, it is what it is. And I know I have to make a choice. I just need some time.” he murmured, then he hugged him and held him tight, feeling him reciprocating.

“I know.” Yamada whispered, pulling away and smiling tentatively. “I'm going to wait for you, Dai-chan.” he reassured him, then he headed toward the door. “Now I better leave, right? I wouldn’t want to cause you any... problem.” he said, grabbing his jacket at the entrance and making it to the door. “I love you, Daiki.” he added, his voice low, and then he got out.

The elder pulled on his wrist, drawing him closer and pressing a quick kiss on his lips.

“If you can believe it... I love you too, Ryosuke.” he said, smiling.

“Unfortunately, I do.” the younger replied, loosening Daiki’s hold on him and leaving, a light smile on his face.

Arioka stood on the doorframe for a few more seconds, then he got back in and closed the door behind his back.

He got back to the living room, sitting on that same couch, caressing its surface while he kept being haunted by images of the previous night.

He bit his lip, closing his eyes briefly.

It wasn’t fair for him to do this to Yamada, it wasn’t far for him to do this to himself.

He couldn’t go on for long pretending everything was fine.

It wasn’t long that he heard the door open, and he almost held his breath, until Kei got into the living room, a bright smile on his face.

“I'm back.” he said, running toward him and throwing his arms around his neck

Daiki hugged him back, holding him close, trying to suffocate his guilt.

“Did you have fun at your parents?” he asked then, trying to keep his voice calm enough not to show his anxiety.

“Yeah, pretty much. My mother’s cooked all my favourite dishes, I think I’ve never eaten so much in my whole life.” the elder explained distractedly, bringing his bag to the bedroom. “But I couldn’t wait to be back. I’ve missed you.” he told him then, smiling tenderly.

Daiki followed him with his eyes, and he could only manage to smile in response, unable to tell him he had missed him too.

Unable to look at him and not think about Yamada.

Unable to avoid thinking about how much he was hurting him.

Unable to stop wondering where was what had bound him to Kei, those same feelings that he had had once, that were now leading him to Ryosuke.

But he wasn’t ready, not yet.

Like he had told the younger, he just needed a little more time.

Time to realize what he felt, time to face Kei and his guilt, time to make a decision.

Time to admit with himself that he didn’t want Ryosuke to be a part of his life, but the only thing in it.


End file.
